Golden Gremlin: A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers
By Rod A Walters
The worlds really needs that push, vigorous or gentle, from misanthropes & geezers, the world’s most valuable golden gremlins. Misanthropes pretend to not like or need other people, but in reality they merely prefer their own company much of the time. Geezers, besides that silly name, also like their own company quite well. Both share the virtue of seeing the world calmly. Written to make Dave Barry, Lily Tomlin, and Ben Stein laugh, Golden Gremlin: A Vigorous Push from Misanthropes and Geezers delivers the wisdom of a calm life, and the wisdom to like most of it and laugh at the rest. Heck, Barry lives in Miami, habitat of geezers, and Ben Stein is one. You get pointy bite-sized life pointers from experienced gremlins, told in easy bite-size chunks. Laughter included in the price!. Two out of three wouldn’t be bad either.
Life is good! So laugh a little at yourself on the way through these pointy essays, and that will buy your laughing at the world’s simpler parts, guilt free.
Gremlin comprises about 70 short essays bundled into six topic areas:
NATURE: boys, poop, and carbon footprinting
WORDS: the real meaning of Caucasian
KITCHENS: Dollar Store kale
BUSINESS: stakeholders — through the heart
HISTORY: when Hell froze, and how Earth Day got born
Golden boy gets to be GOLDEN GREMLIN (the ultimate “Gotcha’ last!”)
What things could possibly be more important!
About the Author
Rod Walters lives and writes in upstate New York, an excellent place where one can truly prove he can be an all-season writer. Since he wants everybody to be all-season persons no matter what her or his lifestyle looks like, his writing tends sharply toward the practical—without turning into one of those godawful do-it-perfectly-yourself (DIpY) authors. Life, after all, is practical moment by moment. Certainly described “old enough to know better, and he might actually be,” his former life as Army officer, engineer, and administrative assistant could not have been better arranged to write both light and heavier pieces pointing to creating a balanced life. Chuckling at yourself usually makes a good start. Then again, who the heck wants to live a balanced life? He suspects that just about everybody does. That’s why he now writes. Although many friends nudge and badger him to Facebook- and Twitter-it-up, he tries not to spend 15 hours a day with circular and brain-dimming keyboarding activity. His books work better.
On Amazon: http://amzn.to/2A6Sb6r
Alas, if only one of those good genies could swoop down and wave his wand and make you instantly smarter. Yes, yes, you might want to wish for other swag, but Genie’s one-time deal here is twice smarter. Be grateful.
There is another way to accomplish exactly the same thing, though, and I wish readers would think this one through.
What if the good genie would instead make everyone else two times dumber than you? Wave the wand, and POOF! The world around you gets less clever by half, and their glasses will still be half full. Why is this dumbed down genie-miracle so great?
Consider some advantages. For huge example, you would not have to read more books at double speed. Just keep your same skills and routines. Everyone else’s reading speed takes a dive. Relatively speaking, you now read twice as fast as they do. This includes all the Mr. Smartie speed-reader population.
You would also get richer for pretty much the same reason, though you would have to wait a little longer. You can harvest a little extra dumb money here and there, but sales still have to be made in bulk, bank accounts transferred, etc., all of which takes time. Smarts will not cut down much time on dumb stuff like that. Relatively speaking, you will make your bundle faster than the others in the before-miracle world with no more effort than “usual.”
Relatively speaking, you already knew you were smarter than your relatives.
Like all good plans you will have to weigh a couple of possible bad parts. Right away you must be prepared for the genie to balk at multiple wand-waves. For everyone else to get dumber, the genie likely needs to teleport to each continent separately to complete his waving duties. A genie who balks might become an irritated genie. Uh, oh. Also, in the confusion you might be the one who gets dumb-waved, and your bozo cousin gets automatically smarted. Relatively speaking, this is not good.
For another thing, being double-smarter will not get you around the grocery store faster. Although you plan your itinerary as well as before, everyone else in the store has gotten one-half dumber, and the aisles will clog up. See, dumber grocery shoppers will take longer to figure out unit prices. More likely, they will confuse the prices with expiration dates, blocking traffic badly as they bend over their diagonally parked carts, open mouthed, trying to do the math.
In your own business, where we have just seen how you become richer than you would have been without this fabulous miracle, your now dumber customers or clients will be slower to pay. They will confuse the top and the bottom of your invoice, and often end up paying you the page number. This raises the serious risk of your going bust. Try to get them to pay your phone number instead, so print that figure in large, bold font at the top.
Oh, did I mention the price of this wand-waving miracle? Yes, you do get SuperSaver shipping, but you have to trade a body part – genie’s choice – for the favor. At last report he was collecting lower and lower. Something to consider.
[GOLDEN GREMLIN, “Nature” section]